Why Did Kylie And Tyga Break Up? Let’s Lose Ourselves In Teen Drama, Shall We?

Ring the alarm and open up your Snapchat: Kylie Jenner and Tyga have broken up. In related news, Blacc Chyna, aka Angela Renee Kardashian, is having a fabulous fucking 2016.

TMZ reports that the 18-year-old mogul with her own mansion and the dude who sings “Rack City” called it quits for good this time just days before last Monday’s Met Gala. Tyga went to the Met Gala anyway, as anyone clinging to their last days of fame would do, and Kylie was reportedly “bent out of shape” about it, as anyone who’s a literal child would be.

“They fight and get back together all in the same day constantly, so last week she didn’t want to say it was a breakup as that’s how it always is,” a rude source blabbed to Us Weekly. “We’ve been down this road before.”

Perhaps, but we haven’t been here since (inhale) Kylie’s half-brother Rob Kardashian affianced and impregnated Blac Chyna, Tyga’s ex-fiancé with whom he shares a son (exhale.) It was time for Kris Jenner to put an end to this edition of Krisis in Kalabasas™, and with a baby in the picture, it looks like Kylie’s relationship had to get cut. With any luck, her next suitor will at least be a professional athlete or a pop star hanger-on.

Kylie’s 15 million Twitter followers are doing their best to comfort her, and thank god, it’s working.

While our hearts go out to America, E! producers, and the entire Kardashian-Jenner clan as they deal with this latest wrinkle, let’s also think of fan Johnny Cyrus, the teen who loves Kylie so hard he got the swatches from her infamous lip kits tattooed on his arm. This news is certainly putting a damper on his birthday.

https://twitter.com/Kardashville/status/730792219737763840

As for Tyga, TMZ reports he was seen dining with his mom and an unnamed model on Mother’s Day. It’s unconfirmed whether this woman is his new girlfriend or just a random…model…he invited to lunch…on Mother’s Day. Fortunately, we don’t have to care because I would bet my lip kit that Tyga is no longer a cast member on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. As I learned from the infamous words of “Rack City,” “Tell that bitch hop out, walk the boulevard.” Bye!