Drake And Rihanna Are Secretly Dating (Maybe), & This Video Sure Makes It Look Like They Are

I don’t have a lot of super powers that aren’t directly related to my ability to consume unfathomable amounts of food while hungover, but I do have one: I am able to detect, without a doubt, when two people are fucking, even when they are trying very hard to keep people from know they’re fucking. In fact, I would say that I’m even more attuned to the ~situation~ when the people involved are trying to hide it. I know, I’m very impressive; It’s whatever. I’m telling you this so that you know when I say Rihanna and Drake are secretly dating, I know what I’m talking about. The proof (OK, I’m playing fast and loose with the word “proof” right now) is now on video.

Last night in LA, Drake came onstage during Rihanna’s concert, and I’m sorry but those two people are fucking. There’s a difference between “we are good performers who have good chemistry onstage because it makes our fans happy to see us acting like we might be fucking” and “we are two people who have been inside one another and enthusiastically look forward to doing so again soon.”

Here’s the video of these two very attractive people nearly mounting one another onstage while performing their song “Work”:

Neither Drake nor Rihanna’s reps have commented on all the obvious sexing they’re doing and neither party has accidentally Snapchatted each other’s junk to the world, so at this point, the closest thing to “confirmation” that we have comes from the perennially chatty and oft-unreliable Sources Close To The Pair™. In the case of possible-couple Drake and Rihanna, SCTTP say they’ve been low-key boning for months. And at the show last night in LA, it evidently looked like the on-and-off couple were every shade of on again:

Drake and Rihanna were together the whole time inside being loving,” an attendee told Us Weekly. “They were affectionate. They had their arms around each other.”

Twitter, as Twitter is wont to do, has some feelings about the idea of these two together. I picked the three that speak to the truth that lives in my heart about Drihanna:

Thank you for saying what the rest of us aren’t brave enough to say, Petty Wap.