This Cat Wants To Be President, Which Feels Like The Best Idea

As we know, not all heroes wear capes and many times the heroes we need take unexpected shapes. This truth is perfectly applicable to the cat running for president, a hero I’m relieved exists as a beacon of hope and comfort. While a cat may not fit the legal age requirements or have the years of political experience we often seek out in a presidential candidate, this cat more than makes up for it with his steel-eyed expression of DGAF which is the unspoken requirement for running the empire of the U.S. without melting into a pool of weeping butter.

The cat who’s affectionately named Stump, resides in a pet shop in Warwick, RI that conveniently connects to a strip mall that houses three presidential campaign offices. So our feline Trump alternative already has an advantage when it comes to getting the attention of voters through his elusive cat charisma.

As the primary season has been bustling with sweaty voters attempting to cast their opinions into the hellish whirlpool of American politics, Denise Rachiele, the owner of the store All About Pets, saw an opportunity to enter Stump as a last minute candidate.

She said:

“I came in the morning and saw the new Trump headquarters. There were customers coming in saying they would vote for Stump over Trump, and so I bought a wig and decided he’d run. We felt he was more qualified, or at least as qualified as Mr. Trump. Right now we’re still looking for a running mate, anyone who knows Stump seems to think they have an ‘in.'”

As is made abundantly clear by the shots of other animals in the video, the hype machine is already at full capacity with creatures clamoring to run alongside Stump or at least secure a position in his Cabinet.

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Stump’s clear political convictions include promises to “make hair great again,” and also ensure the White House would triple in sass and Meow Mix. For those concerned about the inability of a cat to physically veto problematic bills or deliver State of the Union speeches, I’d like to remind you that Bush successfully served two terms and Ben Carson (who is the human sculpture of a Ketamine trip) managed to pull together a campaign (albeit failing).


What I’m saying is – don’t be afraid to allow yourself to believe in a better world. If we don’t participate in the political shit-show, can we really complain?! The least you can do is vote for Stump in the primaries.