Porn Is A “Public Health Hazard” According To Utah Governor, Whose Browser History I Want To See

In the long-standing tradition of aging white men in power throwing out egregious blanket statements about morality and then swiftly signing them into law, Utah Governor Gary Herbert has signed a bill that says porn is a public health hazard. Blissfully unaware of the public health hazard that occurs when he forces people to listen to the unfounded river of shit that comes out of his mouth, the governor shared his convictions with CNN reporters, stating that porn is an epidemic that leads to “a broad spectrum of individual and public health impacts and societal harms.”

He conveniently avoided acknowledging that the severity of his claims seem awfully revealing about his personal browsing habits. What societal harms has he caused in his secret time?! Do we really want to go there?! What kind of narcissistic and sexually dysfunctional monster do you have to be to make these kinds of widespread assertions?

The bill itself which is titled The S.C.R. 9 Resolution seeks to incite education (okay), prevention research (preventing ejaculation most likely), and a strict clampdown on access to Utah-based porn sites, as well as access from Utah browsers to other U.S. based porn. It seems like an incredible blind spot to ignore all the exciting international porn that’s available at the click of a mouse, but Herbert can only effectively tackle so much while his creeping sexuality is causing so many public health hazards. After all, he’s only one man attempting to police the sexuality of thousands of people!

Really though, his personal problems with porn seem glaringly obvious as the bill itself reveals that:

Porn can impact brain development and functioning, contribute to emotional and medical illnesses, shape deviant sexual arousal and lead to difficulty in forming or maintaining intimate relationships, as well as problematic or harmful sexual behaviors and addiction.

You okay, Herbert? Do you need us to send someone for you and all your deviant sexual arousals? I’m not even arguing the validity of some of these issues in the porn industry and consumption. Many of them are real and I myself have a dicey relationship with porn (I don’t like it).

But at this point, I’m just concerned for Herbert and his family’s sexual development. Do they need help?! Do we need to call up Sue Johanson of the famed Sunday Night Sex Show and get her to teach Herb how to healthily embrace his urges? Whatever help needs, let’s get it to him. So long as it’s consensual and legal and will prevent him from signing any more dumbass laws.

(Rolling Stone)