Johnny Depp And Amber Heard’s “Sorry For The Dog Smuggling, Australia” Video Is Awkward Perfection

Lie to border patrol? Falsify immigration documents? Just cause for a slap on the wrist if you’re a famous actor. To atone for the crime of smuggling in their terriers Pistol and Boo, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard made an apology video about the need to protect Australia’s unique borders.

Heard and Depp speak directly to camera, looking like two popular kids in the principal’s office. “Australia is a wonderful island with a treasure trove of unique plants, animals and people,” says Heard. “It has to be protected,” continues Depp. You can’t quite accuse them of sarcasm. You also can’t accuse them of playing it straight.

Heard was let off with a one-month good behavior bond of $1,000 after pleading guilty to making a false customs declaration. Deboarding her private plane in Brisbane, Heard totally freaking lied by checking a box that said she had no animals on her customs form when she had two Yorkshire terriers. It’s unclear how she thought she could sneak two presumably mobile, noisy dogs through Australian security. The point is: She didn’t. She got caught, which, as The Guardian reports, could have carried a maximum penalty of ten years in jail. (Although as we all know, people who look like Amber Heard and who are married to Johnny Depp do not go to jail.)

The Minister of Agriculture Barnaby Joyce responded by calling for the poor terriers — who are dogs and have no idea what continent they’re on — to be put to sleep.  “If [Depp] flouted the laws, and we catch you, you have two choices – and it’s not peculiar to him – the destruction of the animal or the animal goes back,” Joyce said last year. “We can’t start making exemptions.”

But make an exception they did. Magistrate Bernadette Callaghan said the video, filmed in conjunction with the Australian government, would be “of far more benefit to this country” than convicting Heard.

 

Plus, as we learn in the video, Heard is “I am truly sorry that Pistol and Boo were not declared.” It’s hard not to believe her when she’s obviously holding back a smile.

The sleeper news here is the reason why Heard, Pistol, and Boo flew to Australia in the first place: to visit Depp on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean 5. The film comes out in May 2017 and will have a cameo from Paul McCartney, who would never have gotten caught lying to border patrol.