The World’s Loneliest Whale Is A Sad Horny Musician

Our sad protagonist who has been deemed by scientists as The Loneliest Whale has been serenading the ocean with music since the late 1980s. But,  it turns out he’s just looking for love and some sweet sexual healing. The biologist Bill Watkins first heard the Lonely Whale singing nearly 30 years ago, when he noted the sad songs were all sung at 52 hertz, which I imagine is the ideal frequency for perpetual underwater malaise. The discovery gave the whale the nickname Whale-52, which has stuck with him through the last three decades of scientists listening to him from afar.

Despite his niche musical popularity, Whale-52 has actually never been seen. His gender has been inferred from his consistent singing career, which is a markedly masculine trait in the whale community. He’s also been presumed to be a blue whale based on the tonality of his soul-shattering music which reeks of the color blue in both heritage and mood.

More recent theories about the Leonard Cohen of the sea reveal that his songs aren’t merely a call for someone to love, but a full-on booty call.

The New Scientist reports:

“We think male whales sing mainly to attract mates, and 52 has almost certainly failed to woo a partner. That does not mean he is lonely – for whales mating is not about companionship – but he could well be frustrated. Perhaps Whale 52 is actually the horniest whale in the world.”

 

 

Whale-52 is sexually frustrated and communicating it through music like so many before him! Can you imagine being completely alone for 30 years, not just internally lonely but physically alone?! His acoustic tracks must be ideal for a binge crying session.

(NY Mag)