Mississippi Gov. Signs Anti-LGBT Bill Into Law, Declares April “Confederate Heritage Month”
It’s a good week to be a bigot in Mississippi. On Monday, Gov. Phil Bryant declared April “Confederate History Month“–allowing white Mississippians the opportunity to revel in the glory days of when they were allowed to own human beings as property. Today, he signed a bill allowing Christian Mississippians to discriminate against people for being gay, trans, sexually active before marriage or even a woman who prefers pants to dresses.
What can we even say here? It’s almost more sad than it is enraging. Really–how truly pathetic do you have to be to want these things so badly? To be willing to humiliate yourselves and have almost the entire country think you’re creepy as hell for celebrating the time you tried to leave the country over not getting to keep people as slave (oh, I’m sorry–not being allowed the “state’s right” to keep people as slaves)? To have the entire country go “WELP, looks like not much has changed in Mississippi since Jim Crow–they still have a terrible education system and really want to oppress some people!”
Listen, I know we already give Mississippi a ton of money already–about 43% of their tax revenue in total. They take way more than they put into the system, simply by virtue of being an extremely poor state with not a whole lot of economic opportunity. I realize that some may start to wonder if we should really be giving them all that money if they want to enshrine bigotry into the law like that. North Carolina is in danger of losing it’s federal funding, and it’s likely that they will too. But hear me out–we don’t need to cut Mississippi off entirely–we need to buy Mississippi some robots they can oppress.
Because eventually this law will get overturned and they’ll find another group of people they can feel better then, and we’ll have to go through all the same shit over again.
They don’t even have to be expensive robots. They could be like, Teddy Ruxpin dolls or something. We can just like, hand them out to those “in need” and tell them “You are 100% legally better than this Teddy Ruxpin doll. You can tell this doll which bathroom it can use, you can make it pray or sing ‘Deep In The Heart Of Dixie,’ dress it however you want, and it can never, ever have sex with anyone without your express permission.”
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. As a deeply red state, Mississippi voters have shown that they do not believe in government assistance for the poor, and they have shown that their priority is getting to oppress someone. Unfortunately, that is a thing that kind of sucks for those people. Operation Teddy Ruxpin, however, will be cheaper than giving them money for that, and will give them that self-esteem boost that these people can apparently only get by being told they are legally better than someone else.