Emilia Clarke Is Khaleesi Of Dicks, Wants Dany To Get All The Penis Close-Ups To Herself

Emilia Clarke, Khaleesi of Penis, bragged to Glamour in their April issue about how glorious Jason Momoa’s penis is. “I saw his member,” she told the magazine, “but it was covered in a fluffy pink sock. Showing it would make people feel bad. It’s too fabulous.”

There’s a lot going on there. I can think of a few reasons why Jason Momoa might have had a sock on his D, but why a fluffy pink sock? Does Jason Momoa just have fluffy pink socks lying around in his dressing room? Do he and Lisa Bonet have some kind of fluffy pink sock situation in their home life? I’m not even worried about the fact that Daenerys claims that Drogo’s crotch is “too fabulous” to be seen, which is a lofty, lofty claim on its own; I am just concerned about this fluffy pink sock business.

Clarke also argues that the nudity on Game of Thrones is proportionate, another bold claim.She says, “I want to bring your memory back to Mr. Michiel Huisman and I copulating for the first time, which began with me saying, ‘Take off your clothes,’ and then you got to see his perfect bottom.” One, who says “copulating” in casual conversation? Bless you, Emilia Clarke.

Two, counterpoint: We see women’s butts, boobs, and vagine all the time on this show, but unless it’s a dude flashing Cersei on her Shame Walk, we hardly ever see weiners. I get it! Michael Huisman does truly have a classically-proportioned bottom. But not even Khaleesi can trick me into thinking that all the dude butt balances out the mountains of lady-nudity. Sorry, not this time, Mother of Dragons.

Besides, she also says that if Daenerys were on the Iron Throne, she would “bring back all the pretty boys, get them to take their trousers down, and be like, ‘I’m now the queen of everything! I’d like close-ups of all the boys’ penises, please.’” Selfish, Dany, way selfish.


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