Make It Stop: Should I Invite My Bitchy Supervisor To My Wedding?
I work in a small office of seven people. I’m close with all my co-workers except “Susan,” one of my superiors who’s a backstabbing complainer. I know for a fact she would ruin my good time (and my coworkers’ time, too) if she were to come to my wedding. I’ve quietly invited everyone in my office, but I haven’t invited Susan. Now I’m afraid what will happen if she finds out. Do I have to invite her, or do you think it’s okay if I leave her off the guest list?
I hate to call you out, but it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind and are just looking for me to validate your decision. You don’t want her to come. I get it.
Out of curiosity, how much of a wildcard is she? What do you think she’ll do if she showed up? Hit on your dad? Spread rumors about your sexual history by the chocolate fountain? Steal the microphone from the deejay and belt out Clay Aiken songs during your first dance with your husband? Or will she just sit in the back with a shitty look on her face?
Is she in a position to retaliate if you snub her? How much do you need this job, anyway?
Listen, this really comes down to which one of two outcomes you’re more comfortable with: would you rather have a Susan-free wedding with possible tension with her at work afterwards? Or, would you rather have her at your wedding with possible tension at your party?
One thing you can do it make a list of pros and cons of leaving her off the guest list. See if that helps tell you which path to take.
I know how attractive it is to pretend like Susan doesn’t exist, but given the nature of your work situation, you’re taking a big risk if you “lose her invitation in the mail”. Remember in elementary school when your mom made you invite the weird kid to your birthday party? She said it wasn’t nice to invite the whole class and exclude the class dork. Your mom was on to something. It’s not nice to exclude Susan.
Every wedding has people there out of obligation. You think your third cousins give a rat’s ass about your nuptials? Probably not! But it’s nice to go and represent for your family. Susan represents your work world. The mature thing to do is to invite her, since the rest of your office will be there.
And if you do invite her, it’s possible your fears may not play out. For all you know, she’ll decline. Or maybe she’ll come late and leave early. Or it won’t be nearly as bad as you and your co-workers imagined. Who knows? Maybe she’ll hit it off with your Uncle Sal and they’ll giggle by the bar.
If she does come, you’ll be so wrapped up in hugs, photos, and well-wishes, you may not even notice whether she’s there or not. As long as your guest list is larger than the cast of Beverly Hills 90210, you should be fine.
If you care about this job or at least need it for the time being, then invite her. If you don’t care about this job and can deal with whatever wrath might come your way, then by all means, exclude her. Either way, you’re the one who has to deal with the consequences.