How Does Donald Trump Keep Saying All These Things He’d Never Say?

This Wednesday, during an interview with Chris Matthews, Donald Trump answered several direct and clear questions about abortion.

MATTHEWS: Do you believe in punishment for abortion, yes or no as a principle?

TRUMP: The answer is that there has to be some form of punishment.

MATTHEWS: For the woman.

TRUMP: Yeah, there has to be some form.

MATTHEWS: Ten cents? Ten years? What?

TRUMP: I don’t know. That I don’t know. That I don’t know.

MATTHEWS: Why not?

TRUMP: I don’t know.

Unsurprisingly, his answers were not particularly well received–either by those who support the right to choose, or by anti-choicers who studiously avoid ever mentioning the idea of punishing people who have abortions, as they realize it is not exactly a popular idea.

Following the interview, the Trump campaign released a statement “clarifying” his position. Two of them, in fact! One that said the issue should be put to the states (whereas he said he’d ban it in the interview), and another that said he didn’t believe women who have abortions should be punished, just the doctors, because the women are the “victims.”

Now, if one were a cynic, one would say that Donald Trump had not been deeply pro-life long enough to know what the talking points were, and that upon being hepped to that, and seeing the outcry, he adjusted his position to that.

However, he and his campaign are sticking to the theory that he merely “misspoke,” and have been trying to push this line ever since.

The curious thing is that those were some pretty direct questions! Questions that pretty much every person on the planet would be able to easily answer, regardless of their position on abortion. Also, if he misspoke, or misunderstood the question somehow, then why was he not confused by the followup questions?

So, either the Trump and friends are straight up lying (impossible!) or there is something more serious going on. Something that could cause him to respond to a direct question about if there should be punishment for the women by saying, “Yeah, there has to be some form” of punishment, and then follow that up with saying he doesn’t know what that would be, when he actually meant that they should not be punished, and that only providers should be.

This is also not the first time he’s had this problem. Like the time he said he wanted to kill the families of terrorists

“And the other thing is with the terrorists, you have to take out their families. They, they care about their lives. Don’t kid yourself. But they say they don’t care about their lives. You have to take out their families.”

And then later, suspiciously only after discovering that doing that is super illegal, Trump explained that he’d said no such thing, and only meant that he wanted “to go after them,” not kill them, though he wouldn’t explain what “go after them” meant.

Then there was the time he sent out a press release calling for a “total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States” and then later said that he never called for a shutdown either, only that we should be “vigilant” at our borders. And the time he said he would pay for his supporter’s legal fees if they were to assault a protester, and then said he never said that, either.

Then, there was the time when he insisted he never used “filthy” language, in response to criticism over him clearly mouthing the word “fuck” in a campaign speech…

Somehow, someway, this keeps happening. He just keeps saying things he didn’t mean to say, and saying things he later insists he’s never said. How can this possibly be?

I have a theory! Given that it couldn’t possibly be that Trump is a liar–and it couldn’t be that he’s stupid or doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about, given the fact that he has previously insisted that he has the “one of the highest” IQs…

Donald Trump MUST have an evil twin. A secret evil twin who hates him so much that he just goes around saying terrible things that the Real Donald Trump (Oh hey,  look at that Twitter handle!) would never, ever say, in order to make him look bad. A twin so evil that he has never been acknowledged in public, and there has been a yuge coverup for years. It all makes sense, when you think about it. Trump keeps saying he plans to start “acting Presidential” very soon–perhaps, by that, he means he has plans to “take out” this evil twin? Could be!

Either that or he has some medical or psychological issue that causes him to enter fugue states in which he says all these things he’d never say, and then completely forgets that he ever said them. That is also a possibility.

Or, you know, he could just be a terrible human being who should in no way ever, ever, ever be President.