Polish Company Crowdfunds A Beer Made From A Model’s Vaginal Bacteria

A Polish beer company calling themselves “The Order of The Yoni” has set up an IndieGoGo campaign in the hopes that people across the world will give them money so that they can make beer from the vaginal bacteria of Czech model Alexandra Brendlova. So far, they have raised 11 euro.

The makers of the beer claim that drinking beer made from a model’s vaginal bacteria is basically the same thing as going on a date with her.

Imagine a woman of your dreams, your object of desire. Her charm, her sensuality, her passion… Try her taste, feel her smell, hear her voice… Imagine her massaging you passionately and whispering into your ear everything you want. Now free your fantasies and imagine that with a magic wand you can close it in one bottle of beer. The golden drink brewed with her lure, grace and flavored with instincts. Imagine the beer of which every sip is a randez-vous (sic) with this hot woman of your dreams… she hugs you and kiss you gently, looking straight into your eyes… How much would you give for that beer?

It’s flavored with instincts, you guys.

We, The Order of Yoni, have prepared technology making creation of such unique beer possible. The beer containing a quintessence of femininity. The technology enabling materializing her loveliness, gracefulness and character, giving you the possibility of conversion of a tasty beer into a date with real goddess.

They also say that by donating, you will be helping them to “spread femininity all over the world.” Which would make sense if there were a lot of areas in the world populated only by men. 

The secret of the beer lies in her vagina. Using hi-tech of microbiology, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from vagina of a unique woman. The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfers woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into a dance with lovely angel.

Now, my first non-flavored instinct about this was that exactly no one was asking for a beer made from vaginal bacteria, crafted by the kind of white dudes who say “yoni” unironically. I certainly was not. I also can’t see how it wouldn’t be awkward to drink a beer made from vaginal bacteria in order to somehow pretend you were on a date with a Czech model.

Then I remembered that there are dudes who pay crazy money for used underwear, and I’m guessing they are probably the target market for this beer. 

Behold, the incredibly video ad meant to seduce potential investors:

Oh! By the way–those who donate $10,0000 or more can have a beer made with their girlfriend’s vaginal bacteria. Exciting!