Jessica Lowndes And Jon Lovitz Trolled Us All Because We Let Them

In a masterful troll executed by a C-list actress and the motherfucking Critic himself, it was revealed via Instagram late Monday afternoon that no, sorry, Jessica Lowndes and Jon Lovitz aren’t actually engaged. That carefully constructed fiction was a well-executed PR hoax for her new music video, because of course it is.


A video posted by Jessica Lowndes (@jessicalowndes) on

Page Six didn’t think it was real, but sometimes, the things that make the least amount of sense turn out to be very, very real. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton fell in love while serving time on a reality television show that features grown adults spinning around in chairs as a means of validation and judgement. Sarah Palin is going to judge people on a TV show.  A sentient moldering baby carrot named Donald Trump is bloviating his way towards securing the Republican nomination. We live in confusing times, people. Nothing about Jessica Lowndes being engaged to Jon Lovitz feels right; but when you consider that love is a capricious beast and that nothing in this world is actually “right” per se, then this whole situation swings back around and becomes okay, again.

Lowndes went far enough to state that this carefully constructed PR stunt was an early April Fools’ Day joke. I have mentally prepared myself for this week, understanding that anything that happens between  now and Friday is probably not real. WE are not safe, friends. The tyranny of pranksters are upon us once again.

Consider this your warning. April Fools’ Day starts now — early!– effective immediately.