The Frisky Investigates: What Does Ted Cruz’s Sex Face Look Like?

Robyn Pennacchia | March 25, 2016 - 4:00 pm

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot drop this. I just can’t. The very idea of five women having sex with Ted Cruz is just too goddamned funny.

Because I apparently hate myself, I have spent a good deal of today wondering about just what that would entail. I did not picture him naked, because I firmly believe that Ted Cruz is a person that no one should ever see naked for any reason. I am very happy to go on believing that he is a never-nude.

However, given the fact that psychologists have weighed in on the science behind why people are creeped out by Ted Cruz’s face, I figured that the worst part of a Ted Cruz sexual encounter would in fact be his creepy, creepy face. Although I would not put a surprise attempt at anal past him, honestly, as he seems like he’d be that kind of dude.

So! Because I shouldn’t be the only one being tortured here, I decided check out some pictures of the GOP contender and see if I could find faces that I would bet you he makes during sex. In case you were curious about what it would be like, if for some reason your entire vagina did not shrivel up and die at the mere site of him.

Click through the gallery–if you dare. Here is some mood music for your journey into hell.