“Family Values” Governors From Alabama Are The WORST At Dirty Talk

Alabama Governor Robert Bentley is in a bit of a pickle these days! Like many other Republican “family values” politicians before him, he is now dealing with the “allegations” of an affair.

On Wednesday, the Governor–who previously expressed his “disappointment” in the Supreme Court for deciding in favor of same-sex marriage and thus disregarding “the vote of the Alabama people to define marriage as between a man and woman”–admitted to “inappropriate behavior” with his Senior Political Advisor Rebekah Mason.

He noted, however, that this took place two years ago and said he’d already apologized to everyone involved. His wife, however, clearly did not accept that apology–she divorced him in 2015 citing an “irretrievable breakdown” of their marriage.

The fact that this was “two years ago” shouldn’t really matter here. Because obviously, even after engaging in this “inappropriate behavior” he still felt totally OK with judging other people’s choices with regard to their marriages and sexual behavior. Personally, I am of the opinion that you don’t get to play the “family values” card or “morality” card unless you have been 100% wholesome and perfect in every way with regards to your own sexual behavior. If you’ve cheated on your wife, you lose your right to claim that gay people are ruining the sanctity of your marriage, as you have made it clear that you are perfectly capable of doing that on your own.

Anyway! While Gov. Bentley says that no actual sex took place during this “inappropriate behavior,” there is a recording of him (taken by his own family members while trying to prove he was having an affair) having the world’s worst phone sex in the history of ever.

Enjoy!

“You’d kiss me. I love that you know I do love that. You know what, when I stand behind you, and I put my arms around you, and I put my arms on your breasts, and I put my head… and pull you real close.”

OK, um…what kind of move involves arms on one’s breasts? Hands, sure–but arms? Like “OOH YEAH, feel my ulna across your boob. I bet that really turns you on! This is how foreplay works, for sure!” I guess he’s maybe talking about copping a feel during a backwards hug?

“Hey, I love that, too, putting my hands under you.”

Under…you? Is this a euphemism for something? Please let this be a euphemism for something. Or does he just really like wedging his hand between her butt and the seat she’s sitting in? Because that is what I’m picturing here.

“But baby, let me tell you what we’ve gonna have to do tonight, start locking the door. If we’re gonna do what we did the other day, we’re gonna have to start locking the door.”

Ew, this guy needs to never, ever call anyone “baby.” I hate “baby” anyway, but somehow it’s just extra gross coming from Gov. Robert Bentley.

You know…Alabama has not had a lot of luck with their abstinence-only sex education programs. Somehow, despite the fact that they’ve told teenagers not to have sex until they’re married, they magically have incredibly high rates of STDs and teen pregnancy. So weird!

However, it’s possible that the solution to this problem could have been right in the Governor’s office all along. In fact, I’m willing to bet that this vaginismus-inducing audio recording of Gov. Robert Bentley trying to talk dirty could put them off of sex for at least a good while.

[AL.Com]