An Imagined Conversation Between Justin Bieber and Marilyn Manson
This last weekend in Los Angeles, Justin Bieber hung out with the king of 90s/early 2000s mall-goth himself, Marilyn Manson. The only documentation of this blessed event was a selfie of the two men captioned: “Night out in LA with the boys.” I imagine the decision to take this picture grew out of bizarre and disjointed conversation between the two, because really what do Justin Bieber or Marilyn Manson (Brian Hugh Warner) like to talk about?
Here’s how I imagine it would all go down.
JUSTIN: *drops books in front of Manson, coyly fumbling to restack them in his arms*
MANSON: *hands Justin The Power 0f Now as he squints at Justin, obviously hungover and confused*
JUSTIN: Hey, thanks man.
MANSON: Anything for the beautiful people. Aren’t you that kid who didn’t know what German is?!
JUSTIN: That was before I got this hot divorcee dad hair, though. Aren’t you that guy who was gonna start a Christian band with Billy Corgan?! You look pretty Christian without your Satan makeup on.
MANSON: *laughs embarrassed before gazing into distance*
MANSON: That was lifetimes ago.
JUSTIN: Yeah dude, I feel you. I used to collaborate with Ludacris and now I mostly Skype with Skrillex about maintaining relevancy.
MANSON: *lights cigarette*
MANSON: The gods of relevancy giveth and they taketh away.
JUSTIN: *starts vaping*
JUSTIN: Sure dude, I feel that. Wanna take a selfie?
MANSON: You know what? I’ve been wanting to try out that duck-face ever since I released Antichrist Superstar.
JUSTIN: Not sure what that means, but I was thinking it’d be hella meta if we had someone take a picture of us taking a selfie! So many levels, yeah?!
*both men briefly weep before posting photo to Instagram*