Trump And Clinton Won Super Tuesday, But No One Else Is Going Anywhere

Super Tuesday is over, and a super duper Wednesday morning to you! Here’s a brief review of what kind of electoral reflux resulted from yesterday’s voting buffet.

super tuesday donald trump chris christie regret

Chris Christie looked like he was taking a really serious inventory of his choices as he stood stone-faced behind Donald Trump at the frontrunner’s Mar-a-Lago press event last night. Seriously: That is the face of a man who regrets his life decisions.

super tuesday donald trump nightmares

Trump was very pleased with himself, and for good reason: he won 7 of the 11 Republican primaries last night, and has a 124-delegate gap between himself and Ted Cruz.

super tuesday ted cruz constipated

Cruz, on the other hand, continued working toward his life mission of looking constipated all the time. He won his home Lone Star State as well as Alaska and Oklahoma, and urged Marco Rubio and John Kasich to “prayerfully consider” getting TFO of the race.

super tuesday marco rubio

There’s not much to say about Rubio other than that he hates Trump and won Minnesota.


Nevertheless, he’ll no doubt be in the race straight through to the convention — if he can win Florida and Kasich can win Ohio, there’s a possibility that the nomination will go to convention and maybe be torn out of Trump’s hands after all.

John Kasich doesn’t get a picture because he picked up a grand total of 25 delegates, and we all know Ben Carson’s just in it for the money, because he told us so two days ago.

super tuesday hillary clinton selfie stick

On the Democratic side, could we please get Hillary Clinton a selfie stick over here?


Look at that face! She emotes! She’s capable of expressing happiness! Can you imagine Ted Cruz making that face? It’d be terrifying.

Clinton was Thrillaried: She not only won 7 of the 11 contests, many of them by huge margins, picking up 544 delegates.

super tuesday bernie sanders fanboys

Bernie Sanders didn’t do too shabby himself: He won four of the primaries, including a surprise win in Oklahoma, earning himself 349 delegates. Meanwhile, his fanboys acted like he could cure their leprosy if only they could get close enough to touch him.

Remember: Early voting is open near you. Skip the lines! Vote now!


[h/t New York Times]
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