New Hampshire Lawmakers Live In Mortal Fear Of The Nipple

Nipples and the breasts they’re generally attached to are literally life-sustaining, but if you tell that to New Hampshire lawmakers, they’ll shoot back with some drivel about respectability and the downfall of society. Legislation is currently making its way through committee that would make a woman exposing her breasts or nipples with “reckless disregard” for offense in public a misdemeanor.

The AP reports that Republican Rep. Brian Gallagher told a committee Monday that it’s a “shame that some folks are more concerned with exposing their breasts in public places than they are concerned about how families and children may be impacted by being forced to experience this evolving societal behavior.”  This legislation was proposed because of an incident last year in which two women went topless at a public beach in Gilford, NH, as a response to the Free The Nipple movement.

Lawmakers and proponents of the bill at a public hearing Monday expressed concern about public toplessness, speculating that if you can take your top off at a public beach — an area that feels pretty okay for this kind of “behavior” — then what’s to stop you from walking around with your tits out at a Little League game or a library, or like, shopping for tomatoes at the farmers’s market? They cautioned against a “slippery slope” that could potentially lead to an entire state of women unafraid to wander the Green Mountain Granite State with exposed breasts. The horror!

The opponents to this befuddling bit of legislation are naturally, reasonable people who understand that an exposed breast is nothing to be ashamed of. Kari Stephens, a New Hampshire woman who enjoys the singular pleasure of laying on a beach with her breasts bared, said

“We are not lunatics, we are not radical, we’re not looking to go to football games topless or libraries or school meetings…If there is a man in a public space who is obviously comfortable enough, then why should I not have that same right?”

In January, comedian Eric André posted two pictures on Instagram, featuring his penis, in all its glory. While most pictures of women’s nipples are removed almost instantly from Instagram, André’s penis flourished, uncensored, for over 18 hours.

Hmmm. Really makes ya think.