Everyone Looked Pretty Great At The Academy Awards Last Night
Everyone looked great and not terribly prom-y last night at the Academy Awards! This is a pleasant surprise. Everyone also played it pretty safe, which feels okay, because hey, it’s the Academy Awards. Shake things up if you want, or just smooth your body into a satin something-or-other and throw on some giant earrings and smile real big, just like the rest of them.
Call me crazy, but even though Margot Robbie looks like a fresh pile of cash in anything she wears, I’m not nuts about this Tom Ford number, but that’s okay. However, Carol costume designer Sandy Powell’s David Bowie tribute is fitting and kind of fun. I am asleep just looking at Daisy Ridley’s Chanel couture confection, though I do love the color.
Whew, ok, some questions here! First, Olivia Munn looks incredible in this color, though the silhouette of this Stella McCartney thing isn’t really doing it for me. Brie Larson’s Gucci is a beautiful color, and the top is nice, but why did she roll up with a wrestling belt around her middle holding up some unfortunate vagina ruffles? And, Rooney Mara, bless her, looks like she woke up, decided she was going to get married, but realized hafway through that she’s still Goth as fuck. Not mad at this Givenchy haute couture dress, though, because that cutout!!! So good.
The color on all of these dresses is great, but the dresses themselves look like particularly inspired bridesmaid options. Andra Day in butter-yellow SAAFiYAA kind of looks like she should be holding her best friend’s bouquet at the altar. I’m not sure what is happening with Heidi Klum’s Marchesa number but it looks like a particularly whimiscal bridesmaid dress that costs like, $800 and looks good on absolutely no one. And, Jennifer Jason Leigh seems to have had some botox and is wearing a pretty snooze-worthy Marchesa dress, too. Hmmmmmm.
“Look, Ben, I’m glad you have a back tattoo and I hope you and the nanny are good 2 go. I look fucking killer,” says Jennifer Garner, looking like a preternaturally elegant eleventh grader on her way to prom in Versace. Married life has Sofia Vergara swearing off mermaid dresses, I guess? Shocker, it’s Marchesa. And, Alicia Vikander also looks like she’s on her way to prom, but the bubble hem makes it a little less Alfred Angelo and more custom Louis Vuitton, which, natch, it is.
Nothing is more wonderful than an IRL awards show “Who Wore It Better?” Reese Witherspoon’s Oscar de la Renta is wearing her, and those boob rosettes are not doing her any favors. Tina Fey is wearing the hell out of that purple Versace. Point: Tina. Mark Ruffalo, while you were very good in Spotlight, I don’t care for your navy tux. Mindy Kaling, gather the train of your Elizabeth Kennedy gown, pass “Go”, collect $200.
My angels, I wanted this to be good, but alas. This Ralph Lauren atrocity is maybe silk moire and definitely not good, Kate Winslet. In a rare misstep, Kerry Washington strapped a leather breastplate to a chiffon skirt and thought that was okay? IDK, it’s Atelier Versace. Lady Gaga, bless her, showed up in her friend Brandon Maxwell’s design, featuring “secret pants”, which is not a thing and also definitely not a thing if we can actually see the pants. Just saying. Oh, and Olivia Wilde’s top is basically a very expensive version of Kim Kardashian’s gaffer’s tape trick, thanks Valentino. Eh.
Yes! Yes. Priyanka Chopra in Zuhair Murad is basically giving me super high-class Pnina Tornai, and she looks amazing. Naomi Watts, in Armani, looks like a moody mermaid; usually I hate sequins but this year I love them. How can you not, looking at Saoirse Ronan?! I mean. She looks like an actual mermaid. This Calvin Klein fucking kills. Cate Blanchett’s Armani Privé is that weird kind of minty-toothpaste-Essie-Turks and Caicos-nail-polish color that would make most people look sallow or washed out. Somehow, she looks radiant.
Are red dresses boring? Sort of. Does Charlize Theron look incredible in this Dior thing, all sternum and ropes of diamonds and pre-Dynasty face? Yep. You bet.