Woman Caught Cheating(????) On Her Husband With Large Snake
In what turned out to be an anniversary surprise gone terribly wrong, 26-year-old Andrea Johnson has been charged with bestiality after her husband discovered photos of her getting it on with their 12-foot boa constrictor Bobo. Because honestly, how else would you spice up a marriage?
The 42-year-old Iowan man stumbled upon the incriminating photos of his wife and the snake on her cell phone, and immediately took to social media with the photos as a cathartic shaming tactic. Which seems like the last thing most people would do when they find pictures of their wife getting frisky with a snake. I imagine the Facebook reaction buttons were created for shit-posts such as this, and truly hope a distant aunt from Denver loved the post and left a comment saying, “Wow, your wife and I have a lot in common!”
After properly outing his wife’s snake preferences, and his own clamoring idea of “revenge,” the man swiftly filed for divorce, which left Andrea heartbroken and aghast. After all, this was supposed to be a romantic gesture of inter-special sexing.
“I’m surprised he reacted in such a way. Sometimes we even sleep with the boa in our bed, I would’ve never thought he’d take it so badly,” reported Andrea, deeply distressed over the phone. “I just hope he can forgive me and that we can all put this behind us. I really miss both of them.”
She’s currently facing three counts of bestiality and could face up to 2 years in prison, or a $6,250 fine. But really, what’s two years in jail when you’ve finally found a scaly man who understands your sexual needs?
“What she has done with Bobo is despicable,” Johnson told reporters, “I don’t even want to know if she took those pictures for our upcoming first wedding anniversary, but those pictures are plain sick and twisted.”
The local deputy sheriff Tom Bradley said this case was extremely rare, citing the last bestiality reports were years ago, normally implicating sheep or goats.