Ben Carson Asks ‘Can Someone Please Attack Me,’ And Other GOP Debate Highlights

Last night’s GOP debate in Houston fulfilled all our fears and expectations of being a spirited shit-show, with highlights as equally unsurprising as they were obnoxious.

For everyone who missed the desperate clamoring for power framed as a political debate, or for those who attempted to watch it but couldn’t stomach the pain, here are some notable highlights:

– Donald Trump unsurprisingly scooped up a good amount of airtime to promote himself and claim the other candidates were far less experienced in hiring workers and buying politicians.

– Marco Rubio came guns ablazing back at Trump, bringing up the 200 undocumented Polish workers he illegally hired to work on the Trump Tower (only paying them $5 an hour tops for twelve hour work days).

– Donald Trump calling Ted Cruz a liar and bringing up Cruz’s exploitation of Ben Carson in Iowa (essentially Cruz said Carson was out of the race in order to garner more votes)

– Kasich made multiple attempts to escape the obscurity of the sidelines he’s been reduced to, bringing up his knowledge of foreign policy and executive experience as the Governor of Ohio. Naturally his attempts at semi-coherent political discourse were drowned out mostly by Cruz and Trump.

– But perhaps the most succinct and coherent moment of the whole night was when Ben Carson, who has replaced Jeb Bush in the position of “saddest man at the GOP partyclamored for a chance to talk, finally yelling, “Can someone please attack me?!”

That moment of naked honesty sums up how I feel every time I watch a GOP debate.