‘America’s Next Top Model’ Will Return To VH1 Without Tyra Banks, Which Means It Will Be Bad!!

Today in very good and then kind of confusing news: Variety reports that VH1 has picked up America’s Next Top Model mere months after the series’ end. This is great news for those of us left smizing sadly at our own reflections and mourning the loss of what is arguably one of the greatest cultural institutions in the world. So, what’s the twist? Tyra Banks will no longer be hosting the show.

Excuse me?

Tyra Banks, the beating heart and tooching booty of this goddamn treasure of a television show, will not be hosting. She will have an executive producer credit, and the show will relocate from L.A back to New York, with a new panel of judges, in an attempt to “reinvent” the franchise for a new set of viewers, most of who will probably not appreciate the significance of its revival.

Is it even ANTM if Tyra’s not on it? Is the show the same if Tyra isn’t leading questionable teaches on the intricacies of modeling? How will anyone understand the difference between catalogue and couture? Who on our television screens today is as earnest and delusional and unfiltered as Tyra Banks?

TYRA 4
TYRA 3
TYRA
TYRA TIFFANIE

I’m still rooting for you, America’s Next Top Model. But it won’t be the same.