Florida Teen Uses Brass Balls To Pose As a Doctor and Open a Medical Practice

I both respect and am terrified by the audacity of the modern teen. Florida teen Malachi Love-Robinson, 18, was arrested on Tuesday for practicing medicine without a license in the super fake medical office he opened in West Palm Beach–named “New Birth New Life Holistic and Alternative Medical Center & Urgent Care.”

Love-Robinson even set up a Facebook page for his fake practice, as well as a Healthgrades.com profile, which read:

“I am a well rounded proffessional that treats, and cares for patients, using a system of practice that bases treatment of physiological functions and abnormal conditions on natural laws governing the human body. I utilize physiological, psychological, and mechanical methods, such as air, water, light, heat, earth, phototherapy, food and herb therapy, psychotherapy, electrotherapy, physiotherapy, minor and orificial surgery, mechanotherapy, naturopathic corrections and manipulation, and natural methods or modalities, together with natural medicines, natural processed foods, and herbs and nature’s remedies.”

What might have been the biggest tip off here? That incredibly convoluted business name? The way he describes himself in first-person as “well-rounded,” a phrase only deployed by people who are new to the work force?  The fact that he looks like two toddlers in a trenchcoat?

I admire his fortitude, but desperately want all of his patients to go to a certified physician and make sure he didn’t leave medical scissors jammed in them somewhere.