Ted Nugent Says He’s Black Now, Would Like His Fellow Black People To Vote Republican

I’d really like to apologize for writing two Ted Nugent-related posts in one day, but this is wayway too ridiculous to pass up.

Ted Nugent has written a bizarre, disjointed column for World Nut Daily titled, I shit you not, “We Blacks: Democrat’s Modern Day Slaves” in which he explains that he is a black person–specifically “a large, in charge, Motown black man”–and encourages his fellow black people to vote for Republicans who will get rid of the social programs that help poor people, which he somehow equates to slavery.

Ted Nugent, Black Person, begins by explaining how he was transformed into a black person by imitating the work of black artists:

As a large, in charge, Motown black man my bad-self, who honed my Sonic Baptizm, soul-cleansing soulmusic on the greasy rhythm and blues of the musical funk and roll gods James Brown and Chuck Berry et al., and who learned and then perfected the fine art of American defiance from my hero Rosa Parks, I continue to celebrate nonstop all things good and black.

My motto has always been: Black is beautiful. Minimal exposure to my killer Detroit guitar playing would immediately reveal why I was voted the No. 1 Guitarist Alltime in Michigan a few years back. No cracker can play like that!

It’s rather surprising that a large, in charge Motown black man, like Ted Nugent, would talk about how he believes in a “Real America” made up of “white motherfucking shit kickers, who are independent and get up in the morning.” Or say things like “If black lives matter then let us pray that blacks stop killing raping & destroying their own. Soulless pathetic punks.” But who am I to say? Unlike Ted Nugent, I am not a black person. Despite the fact that I’m sitting here right now listening to Leadbelly as I type! So I wouldn’t know.

As a Black Person, Ted Nugent believes that social programs designed to fight poverty are somehow the reason for poverty, and that if all of those programs went away, it would solve both poverty and inner city crime.

Poverty runs rampant in our communities. Unemployment amongst my black brothers and sisters is double that of white Americans. And what does the Democratic Party propose doing? The same scams it has been pulling off for the past 50 years: enticing black folk to look to Uncle Sugar for the cure when it’s been Uncle Sugar who has put black folk on the poverty plantation.

It seems that Ted Nugent, Black Person, believes that if we were to get rid of social programs then everyone would have a job? Or something? Because all of his “black brothers and sisters” just don’t bother getting jobs because of them? Interesting theory! Especially when one considers that the vast majority of people who use social programs and are not elderly or disabled do, in fact, have jobs.

Ted Nugent, Black Person, then explains how said social programs have totally destroyed Martin Luther King Jr’s dream. Sort of!

The Democratic Party has preyed on black brothers and sisters for too long. What they have done to black America is arguably a crime against humanity. They have essentially killed the dream of the promised land that brother Martin Luther King spoke about, yet the NAACP, the Congressional Black Caucus and others still support the Democratic Party. Simply amazing.

Surely Martin Luther King–who vigorously advocated for a Universal Basic Income that would provide all Americans with a middle class income, advocated for Democratic Socialism and wealth redistribution, and endorsed and wrote the forward for Socialist labor organizer A. Philip Randolph’s “A Freedom Budget For All Americans“– would be appalled by social programs designed to provide assistance to the poor. Simply amazing indeed!

Ted Nugent, Black Person, then explained what Black Power is. Because who better to explain that than a person who called President Obama a “subhuman mongrel?”

Black power begins with recognizing who our real enemies are and who are friends are. The Democratic Party is nothing more than a pack of wolves festooned in shiny, white sheepskin. The Democratic Party has conned us into voting for them for decades, and in every instance, our votes for them have been against our own economic self-interest.

It’s true! Lower taxes for the rich and the elimination of social programs certainly are in the best interest of black people like Ted Nugent, who happen to be very wealthy. Why would Ted Nugent’s fellow black people want Ted Nugent to pay more in taxes? Do they have no sense of solidarity?

This is far from the first Ted Nugent transracial moment. He has previously stated that his “lifestyle as a white guy — though I’m hard to accept that designation — is more in the Indian tradition than many of the Indians themselves,” after being accused of racism and cultural appropriation by Native Americans. Also, after his anti-Semitic rant this week, he explained that he was better at being Jewish than Jewish people are because he has a “yamika” and a “kosher guitar,” and that Jewish people who support gun control are the REAL Nazis.

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So, you know–get it in your heads, people of varying ethnicities! Ted Nugent is better at being your ethnicity than you are! You cannot accuse him of being racist or anti-Semitic or anything, because if he’s black, Native American and Jewish, he totally can’t be, ok? And, as a member of all these groups, he is the only person who can say how they should and should not feel about things, and what political positions they should take.

However, I’m starting to feel left out, and am very much hoping for an essay from Ted Nugent explaining why he is better at being a 30-something Italian-American single woman than I am.