We Won’t Have Carly Fiorina To Kick Around Anymore

Carly Fiorina has dropped out of the Presidential race. I know, I know. We’ll all miss the way she repeatedly lied about Planned Parenthood, the way she ate dog food for some reason, and the way she terrorized toddlers on field trips!

She announced her departure in a post on Facebook, in which she stated:

This campaign was always about citizenship—taking back our country from a political class that only serves the big, the powerful, the wealthy, and the well connected (Which is of course why you were advocating for tax cuts for the rich, right Carly?–ed.). Election after election, the same empty promises are made and the same poll-tested stump speeches are given, but nothing changes. I’ve said throughout this campaign that I will not sit down and be quiet. I’m not going to start now. While I suspend my candidacy today, I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for the way things are and a status quo that no longer works for them.
Our Republican Party must fight alongside these Americans as well. We must end crony capitalism by fighting the policies that allow it to flourish. We must fix our festering problems by holding our bloated, inept government bureaucracy accountable. Republicans must stand for conservative principles that lift people up and recognize all Americans have the right to fulfill their God-given potential (Unless they have an unintended pregnancy, in which case screw their potential–ed.)

To young girls and women across the country, I say: do not let others define you. Do not listen to anyone who says you have to vote a certain way or for a certain candidate because you’re a woman. That is not feminism. Feminism doesn’t shut down conversations or threaten women. It is not about ideology. It is not a weapon to wield against your political opponent. A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts. And always remember that a leader is not born, but made. Choose leadership.

As I have said to the many wonderful Americans I have met throughout this campaign, a leader is a servant whose highest calling is to unlock potential in others. I will continue to serve in order to restore citizen government to this great nation so that together we may fulfill our potential.

Oh Carly.

Chris Christie is also expected to drop out of the race, though he has yet to make an announcement.