CDC: Pregnant Women Should Go In A Bubble And Seriously Not Even Move It Could Be Dangerous

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has advised pregnant women to avoid having sex with people who may be infected with Zika, which is really just the abstinence version of “Try not to get bit by any bugs.”

Thus far, the guidelines refer to vaginal, oral and anal sex, so making out might be OK, but they’re not sure.

“We’re still learning more about [the virus in] saliva and how it works in the body,” CDC director Tom Frieden told the Washington Post. “There’s been a total of three cases in the world literature of Zika being present in male secretions.”

These warnings follow the revelation that the mosquito-borne virus may cause microcephaly, a congenital condition which leads to abnormal brain development.

Still, it’s a little intense considering mere days ago the CDC advised all women to avoid alcohol, unless they’re on birth control. As the official website explains: “More than 3 million US women are at risk of exposing their developing baby to alcohol because they are drinking, having sex, and not using birth control to prevent pregnancy.”

It seems like another alternative would be suggesting more women use birth control, but, hey, I’m not a doctor. For now, probably all women should go in a padded room and not even breathe, if they plan on doing their job and making babies as God intended.