Madonna Is Shocked Her Teen Son Chooses To Stay With the Cooler Parent

My childhood self would rocket forward in time to slap me in the face for saying so, but it looks like Madonna is officially uncool, at least as far as parenting goes.

Ye Olde Rebel Heart had an acrimonious split with director Guy Ritchie in 2008 and they’ve been bickering over their custody arrangement ever since.  Lourdes is a grown-ass woman of 19 now so she doesn’t have to deal with any of this, but Rocco, 15, David, 10, and Mercy, 10, are still stuck in the middle. Even though a judge ordered Rocco to return to New York with Madonna, the teen is reportedly trying to stay in England with his dad. Can you blame him? They have Cadbury Flake over there!

According to UsWeekly Madonna thinks Rocco is being brainwashed by Ritchie, when he’s really just acting like every teenager to ever teen and choosing the parent who doesn’t make him go to school. Ritchie, who apparently doesn’t believe in structure, is sort of homeschooling Rocco, but possibly just sort of letting him do whatever he wants, pulling the ultimate fatality in the Mortal Kombat Divorced Parent Cage Match of Life.

But this is as much about geography as it is about the difficulties of divorce. One look at our political climate and complete lack of respect for tweed makes me want to squat in England, too.