Seltzer Is Sort Of Bad For You, Because Everything You Cherish In Life Will Eventually Kill You

Tragic news: Like everything else you value in life, that can of seltzer you’re drinking is kind of bad for you.

The Atlantic reports that seltzer water, the savior of desk jockeys and people who miss Diet Coke everywhere, isn’t actually as good for you as you might think.  Soda is really bad for you, but seltzer? How could something so innocent, harmless, bubbly, effervescent, so full of light and joy be bad for you?!

Seltzer contains carbonic acid, which is the stuff that makes it bubble. It’s an acid! Acids wear away at your enamel, which is something you’d know if you paid attention to your dentist when she yells at you about grapefruit juice. Thankfully, the acid itself is relatively weak — at about a 5.5 on the pH scale — which means that yes, it’ll still erode the enamel on your chompers, but slowly, over time.

Please feel free to adjust your daily seltzer habit as you see fit. Or, live on the edge! Up your intake in a silent “fuck you” to the dental industrial complex and the enamel on your teeth. You can pry the coconut Lacroix out of my cold, dead hands.