Donald Rumsfeld’s Only Lesson From Churchill Was How To Make A Solitaire App

Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has done a lot in his 83 years including killing people before resigning from a job. But that hasn’t stopped him from wanting to break into the digital biz! That’s why Rummy is releasing his own iOS Solitaire app.

This is not your mothers game of Solitaire, it’s much, much older. Rumsfeld’s app features a special version that Winston Churchill favored: solitaire played with two decks instead of one, 10 rows of cards instead of seven, and an extra pile known as “the Devil’s Six” to use strategically.

“I’ve done business, politics, and war. Now I’m trying my hand at mobile gaming,” Rumsfeld wrote of his new endeavor. Worrying that this version of solitaire would be lost in history, so he spent the past two years developing an app of the game that, “takes patience and perseverance, cunning and concentration, and strategy and sacrifice.”

“After 172 builds — thousands of lines of code each — we have arrived. I am now officially in the app business,” he said of the journey, along which he got the Churchill family’s blessing. Rumsfeld claims his profits along with the Churchill’s will all go to charity.

Rummy concluded by confirming that this is his first and last app endeavor, joking that Mark Zuckerberg has nothing to worry about. But critics, commenters and likely Zuckerberg himself aren’t convinced that this shout out to Churchill absolves Rumsfeld of completely sucking. He’s just another asshole with an app.