There’s A Period-Tracking App For Men Who Want To Avoid “Getting Grief”
Heterosexual cis men, we need to talk. Can I propose something to you? It’s not periods that make women angry at you. It’s your bullshit attitudes about periods. Bullshit attitudes like, for example, creating an app called Frederick that tracks your girlfriend’s period for you and tells you how to avoid “getting grief” from a PMS-ing S.O. Helpful tips, like, for example – people with uteruses, I kid you not – not asking your girlfriend if it’s “blowjob week.”
That is a dumpable offense, isn’t it? Like, if it would occur to you to ask your girlfriend if it was “blowjob week,” you deserve to get dumped on the grounds of acting like you’re 13. Other advice Frederick will give you is “Don’t make her sneeze.” BIG EYE-ROLL. Guys, you realize that this isn’t incontinence, right? Giant globs of menses are coming out of our uteruses whether or not we even move.
The app appears to be available only in the UK – the Telegraph and the UK blog The Debrief were the first to cover it – and let’s just hope it stays that way (or burns to the ground, either way is fine). In the UK app store, the description for Frederick says that it’s “an honest menstrual cycle navigator, for men.” But if Frederick’s creators really wanted to be honest to their cis straight male demo, they’d include illuminating insights, like:
- Sometimes when your girlfriend takes her tampon out, menses splash onto the walls of the bathroom, and then she kindly and promptly cleans it up so that neither of you have to have red stains in your bathroom. Just FYI, because that’s trouble you don’t have to go to for a quarter of your life.
- Sometimes menses are watery. Sometimes they’re globby, like drying boogers.
- Did you know that menses are acidic and can make your girlfriend’s vaginal walls really uncomfortable if she has sensitive skin?
- Men’s hormones actually fluctuate more frequently in a month than do women’s, and it makes men cranky, too, but you don’t hear your chick talking shit about you over it, do you?
- About 10 percent of women have endometriosis, a condition in which their uterine lining – the stuff that becomes menses – grows on the outside of their uterus, on their ovaries, and basically all over the place in their abdomen. It can be fatal. And you think you know pain!
- Period shits are real.
Who knows, maybe Frederick is a big gag meant to make women and female-bodied people on the internet angry. But behind every clickbait-y joke is a kernel of truth, and at the very least, whoever made and publicized the app – fake or not – deserves to have a million used pads delivered to his doorstep.
Send me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.