The Oregon Militia Is So Sad That People Are Sending Them Dildos
The Bundy Volume 2 militia in Oregon appealed to the American public to send them supplies to help them wait out the winter in the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. Apparently right-wing militias are very earnest and really believed that no one would even think to troll them, because according to the video above, they’re surprised and disappointed that they received a bunch of dicks.
A spokesman for the militia, Jon Ritzheimer, expresses his deep displeasure at receiving dildos and a package of gummi penises labeled “Bag of Dicks.” “They just spend all their money on hate, hate, hate, hate. We’re not going to be deterred,” he says. We’re not going to let all your junk and hate mail sidetrack us.”
Another militia spokesperson, Mo Peltier, says that they’ll just be reselling the dildos on eBay. Smart move! Peltier says, “Keep sending stupid s**t, it’s gonna turn a dime for them. Lol Economics!” What’s really LOL is that they think that trolls are going to be dismayed enough by the militia making $15 on a resold dildo to either stop sending them dildos or find something equally annoying to send. If only it wasn’t illegal to deluge them with dick pics.
The militia claims that they’re just out there trying to do what’s right and patriotic for America (while also claiming land that isn’t theirs and trying to enforce their will by might). Personally, I think that in 2016, the real patriots are the dick-senders. Dildo on, brave countrymen, dildo on.