Some Loose Ends And Bright Spots From A Pretty Boring Golden Globes :-/

Last night, a bunch of famous and beautiful people sat in a large room, at various tables, drinking copious amounts of Veuve and picking at baskets full of carbs. Also, some people won awards! And Ricky Gervais hosted the whole thing! No one fell down, almost everyone looked beautiful and overall, it wasn’t that bad — except for Ricky Gervais, who is probably the worst host in the history of hosting the Golden Globes and should retire after this year, please.

There were some bright spots: Denzel Washington winning the Cecil B. DeMille Award and trotting his entire family out on that stage with him; Taraji P. Henson’s frenzied joy of winning; the glee and excitement of Rachael Bloom winning her first award of what are sure to be many. Otherwise, this year’s Golden Globes made me realize that maybe this year wasn’t that exciting.

But! An awards show is an an awards show, and everyone loves looking at beautiful dresses and celebrities patting themselves on the back, feigning humility, actually being humble and crying. Most of it was very bad; if you watched this, you know. But, here are the bits of good and a few bits of not-so-awesome salvaged from the wreckage.

Good: These two cape moments: Taraji P. Henson wore a cape. Jennifer Lopez wore a cape. Many other wore capes. I support the cape as a sartorial attempt to dismantle the patriarchy by positioning women as superheroes, so let’s make capes happen, all the time. Every day.


Not-so-good, then fine, I guess:  Channing Tatum made a weird mistake with his hair. I don’t know or understand what this is and what’s happening, but I do know that it is not working for him and it’s definitely not working for me, but I guess it’s working for his upcoming role as Gambit, so there’s that.

Very, truly terrible: Ricky Gervais: Ricky Gervais is a terrible host and he shouldn’t be allowed to do this anymore, seriously. Within the first five minutes, he managed to make a handful of transphobic jokes about Caitlyn Jenner and Transparent, in between his jokes about gender equality and the wage gap. Also, he looked perpetually sweaty and needs to just not do this anymore.

Wonderful: America Ferrera and Eva Longoria handling his bullshit.

The only IRL LOL of the night:  What a long and soulless and rough night, with so few bright spots. This was one of them.

Good, and then really good: Lady Gaga’s incredible performance of what a Hollywood starlet should look like.
Lady Gaga won a Golden Globe which, given the people she was up against and the general awfulness of this season of American Horror Story, seems fishy. But, she rolled up in a custom Versace, all wasp-waist and strong shoulders, and had a moment, but then Leo also had a moment.

FANTASTIC: Jamie Foxx came for Quentin Tarantino, deservedly so.
Sorry to do this to you, but here’s a very drunk Quentin Tarantino accepting the prize for Ennio Morricone’s score for “The Hateful Eight.”

Did you hear that? How QT called the film scoring world the “ghetto”? Jamie Foxx and Regina King sure did!

THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED ALL NIGHT: Taraji P. Henson wins! Cookie won a Golden Globe, so she handed out cookies, asked someone not to step on her train, and told the sound guy that she waited 20 years, so he’s gotta wait, too.