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Is This An 800-Year-Old Nokia Cellphone Left By Time Traveling Aliens?

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People on a variety of conspiracy sites are claiming that archaeologists in Austria have dug up an 800-year old clay tablet that appears to be a model of a Nokia phone, with cuneiform symbols on the number buttons and screen. Naturally, some believe that this may be evidence of “alien technology” or time travel, or time traveling aliens.

I do not.

I realize that it is kind of moronic to treat this like it’s a thing we can have a rational discussion on–but I’m going to do so anyway. For fun.

First of all, why would time traveling aliens, from the future, be using phones that are outdated now? Granted, those were actually pretty damn good phones–we got better reception on them and they were a heck of a lot sturdier than the ones we have now. But still! Wouldn’t the aliens from the future have better cell phone technology than we did in like, 2001? And why would they use the specific Nokia model? It doesn’t make sense! And they’re using some kind of Sumerian cuneiform from like, the 31st century B.C.E. instead of like, their own alien language?

If this “phone” is around 800 years old, that means it was around during 1200 C.E., which I’m pretty sure was around like, Hapsburg dynasty-time in Austria. No one was using cuneiform during the Hapsburg dynasty! I’m pretty sure they were just speaking an earlier form of German or something. Not that time traveling aliens would be speaking German, but you get what I’m saying here. Also, if time traveling aliens from the future were visiting Habsburg Dynasty-era Austria, wouldn’t they have been like “Hey! We are from the future where we have discovered that inbreeding is a really bad idea! Maybe you guys should do less of that!”

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Unless the aliens purposely told them to inbreed, hoping to end the Hapsburg Dynasty. I guess that is a theory that could make sense. I guess.

Oh! But how would they even use a cell phone without cell phone towers existing? Sure, they have those “universal roaming” cellphones on Dr. Who, but I feel like that’s not really possible in real life. Much like time traveling aliens in general.

Also! I don’t see any archaeologists coming forward and taking credit for this find. I mean, if someone really did find something like this, I am pretty sure it would end up in some place other than a YouTube channel called Paranormal Crucible. It would at least make some kind of regular news. I don’t think an archaeologist would be like “Oh! I have this totally crazy discovery, but I am literally only going to tell this one person who runs a YouTube channel about it!”

In conclusion, after perhaps way the hell too much thought, I am pretty darn sure that this is not a Nokia Spacephone left in 13th century Austria by time traveling aliens. I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure I’m not.

[Daily Mail]

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