Martha Stewart Frying Pans Recalled After Injuring People With Flying Metal Discs

Beware the Martha Stewart frying pans, for they are coming for you.

According to BuzzFeed, Macy’s has recalled 121,000 Martha Stewart-brand frying pans after consumer reports of injuries due to metal discs that “pop off”, attacking the victims entirely unprovoked. The injuries suffered range from bruises, burns and welts.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announced that all victims of the frying pans, which are part of a 10 piece set, should “immediately stop using the 8 and 10-inch frying pans from the cookware set.” The unwitting victims of this senseless act of cookware assault should return the pans to whence they came(Macy’s) for a full refund.

Let’s all take a moment of silence for the suburban gourmands everywhere, all the bouef bourguignons never finished, all the omelettes never flipped. If you’ve been victimized by Martha Stewart’s cookware, please know that there is hope.