All Christmas Cards Should Look Like These Victorian Christmas Cards

There’s absolutely nothing about the Victorian era that I find myself nostalgic for, except for these goddamn Christmas cards which are a bizarre, twee nightmare, in the best possible way. Unearthed by the BBC, these cards are less snowflakes-mistletoe-Santa-reindeer and more cold, hard facts about life, death and the holiday season. Also, they make little to no sense. Please see the following examples.

The compliments of the Season. Victorian Christmas card

“The compliments of the season,” says the painter monkey to his dog subject, while something far more sinister lurks in the background on the right hand side.

dead frog christmas card

“A Merry Christmas to you,” thinks the murderous frog, as he absconds from his brethren with a bag of money.

This Christmas wish with you abide. Victorian Christmas card

“This Christmas Wish with you abide: Jolly be ever, whatever, betide” reads like something you find on a scrap of paper tucked in the pages of a dusty old book bound in human skin.

Modern-day Christmas cards are boring. Snowflakes are boring. Reindeer wearing top hats tap dancing on a chimney are boring. Santa, in all of his iterations, from sexy present-giver to avuncular creep, is boring. A dead robin, belly-up, urging you to enjoy the season and its various tidings? That’s the most accurate representation of Christmas I’ve ever seen.