I Don’t Know How I Feel About The New “Star Trek Beyond” Trailer

I am a diehard, not particularly discerning “Star Trek” fan. I’m not obsessive about the canon, as evidenced by plot of the fanfic I wrote when I was 12, which had Wesley, Tasha Yar, Deanna Troi and Data all attending the Academy together (LOL, IMPOSSIBLE, I KNOW!!!!). My love for “Star Trek” was born when I was a kid, so maybe that’s why my enthusiasm for the series and films was never really focused on the details. As a result, I totally loved JJ Abrams’ movie reboots, with all shiny new players stepping in the roles of Captain Kirk, Spock and the rest of the Enterprise crew. In my mind, the more “Star Trek” the merrier! Hell, I totally did not even mind that Abrams totally lied about the “Into Darkness” villain not being Khan. I cheered in the theater!

All of that being said. The trailer for the third film in the rebooted series, “Star Trek Beyond” (directed by the guy who did the “Fast & Furious” movies, since Abrams’ dicked out in order to do “Star Wars”), is out and my reaction to it is kind of … meh. First of all, what is with the Beastie Boys? I love Mike D, MCA and Adrock too, but I personally found the screech of “Sabotage” to be distracting. “Star Trek” shouldn’t NEED the Beastie Boys — not to rev up the excitement in the trailer or for some sort of weird ’90s throwback hipster cred. It’s “STAR TREK.” You know what would have made more sense? For the trailer to be soundtracked by Spock playing an original song on the Vulcan Lyrette:


Anyway, plot-wise, I can’t discern much from the trailer, but there appears to be some random new lady alien whose species I can’t identify. I bet Kirk sexes her. (He sexes everybody.) Bones is still way too fucking sexy. There are some pretty rad-looking CGI battle scenes. And Spock has what appears to be a new, fluffier wig. Sure, okay, why not.

Obviously, when I say my reaction is “meh,” what I mean is that it’s “meh” on my own personal “Star Trek” enthusiasm scale, which is to say that I am still extremely excited, just not peeing my pants while running around singing the theme song excited.