Donald Trump’s Health Is “Astonishingly Excellent” According To His Doctor

Sentient merkin Donald Trump made a promise to the American people to release his medical records, which would prove that he is indeed a healthy human man capable of holding the highest office in the country and not a puddle of melted Velveeta come to life. But instead of releasing his actual medical records, he’s instead provided us with this doctor’s note from his physician, who assures the American public in no uncertain terms that Trump “will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”

Trump announced this news on Twitter and Facebook, telling us that his doctor has confirmed his “stamina,” which, when used in relation to Trump, requires a midday “Silkwood”-esque shower:

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Here’s the full text of the letter, which is a work of art in its own right:

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Hold onto your butts. Donald Trump’s “stamina” is ready to make this country great again.

[Daily Mail]