An Open Letter To Girls Who Are Not Like Other Girls

Dear Girls Who Are Not Like Other Girls:

I get it. You like sports. You don’t hang around with other women because they are too much “drama.” You drink beer. Or whiskey. You wear jeans and T-shirts, even. You order a burger instead of a salad. You are totally cool and not at all like other girls, because other girls totally suck.

But I’d just like to know, who on earth are these “other girls” you’re talking about? Like, really — are they people you know personally? Are they me? Are they literally every other woman on the planet besides you?

I’m just gonna be frank here. I’ve heard “I’m not like other girls” from more women than I can possibly recall. If all of you, collectively, are not like other women, then who is even left?

For what it’s worth, although I don’t really care about sports one way or another, I think I’m actually in the minority. I know lots of women who are really into sports, and who played sports in high school and college. Who cheer at the television screen at the bar while I check my Twitter. Then, later, we all talk about something else entirely. Like normal people who don’t need to have everything in common in order to be friends.

I also happen to have a lot of male friends (a weird amount of whom are sportswriters, actually), and yet I’ve never felt like my friendships with them were more important or valuable than my friendships with women. They are totally fine with being my friends, despite the fact that they will never hear me voicing any internalized misogyny.

It’s fine to like beer and whiskey, but that is a beverage choice, not a substitute for a personality. I prefer vodka, but whatever. All that says about me is that I like drinking and am too lazy to develop acquired tastes. I do not pick my friends based on what they drink, because that would be weird.

I don’t actually know too many women who order salads wherever we go, but that is possibly because my big “going out to eat” ventures usually involve a discount chicken wing night.

PRETTY MUCH EVERY WOMAN ON EARTH WEARS T-SHIRTS AND JEANS. Except perhaps Carmelite nuns and those Mormon ladies from that one cult where they all had to wear the floral dresses. OH, and the Amish. But barring religious uniforms, most women wear t-shirts and jeans. I have known actual debutantes, and they wear t-shirts and jeans. And I will bet you that at least half of them think that they are not like other girls either.

It has been my personal experience that women who say they don’t hang out with women because they hate “drama” have, to a person, always been the source of said “drama.” However, because I don’t know every woman on earth who believes this, I can’t say that this applies to literally all of them.

I happen to like “other girls.” I am a big fan of all my friendships with other women. Most of the women I know are hilarious and kind and super bad ass. I know some crappy women as well, because women are human beings, which means that some of them are crappy and some of them are not. Like many “other women,” I had some real crappy friendships with other women in middle school and high school–so I understand how people can feel scarred from that. But when you put down allllllllll other women in order to elevate yourself as the only “cool” one, then you are the “mean girl.” You are the one who is being shallow.

I am not saying that anyone has to be friends with other women. Be friends with who you are friends with! But this “I’m not like other girls, I wear T-shirts and jeans and drink whiskey while they waltz around in ball gowns while causing drama” shit is just not cool. It’s also just not factually true. It’s possible to assert what is good about yourself without tearing other women down.

Besides. Maybe if you stop doing that, and stop telling other women that you “don’t hang out with other women” then women who are actually nice and awesome and funny will want to be your friend.


One of the “other” girls