John Stamos Gives You High Fashion Porky Pig, Shows His Ass Like He Needs A Spanking

Last year, PAPER magazine “broke” the “Internet” with Kim Kardashian’s oiled and extremely naked body, an image that is now burned in the minds of the American public. There’s really way they could follow that up, so we will accept this #Fandemonium issue, if only for the gift of John Stamos Donald Duck-ing in front of a window in grainy black and white.


There is nothing sexy about a man walking around the house wearing a shirt but absolutely nothing on the bottom half, because a flaccid penis bumping gently against the hem of a chambray button-down feels more lazy than anything else. But something about this photo of Stamos works? Maybe it’s because dat ass appears to be hairless, or at least downy, not the usual tangle of body hair and boxer brief lint that you encounter in the wild. Maybe it’s because John Stamos inhabits the realm of the ageless, like so many other celebrities, trapped at the peak of their attractiveness, like mosquitoes in amber.

Oh, there’s a Q&A, too. Now you know that the last show John Stamos binge watched was “Inside Amy Schemer.” What a stand-up guy.