Gift Guide: 10 Gifts To Passive-Aggressively Annoy Someone

Everyone needs a coping strategy to deal with the people who irritate the wits out of us but for some reason must keep in our lives. And, sure, you could be mindful and try to accept people for who they are, but why would you do that when you could give those people passive-aggressively annoying holiday presents?

The trick with passive aggression is that you have to be subtle. The gift has to plausibly appear to be something they might like. You have to embrace coming off not as the vindictive person you really are, but just as clueless. So without further ado, ten gifts to low-key lash out at people who aggravate you:

bongos

To Annoy A Parent of Small Children: Hand Drums for Their Kids

You’re cultivating their interest in music, sure. Or something. [Amazon, $43]

christmas kid

To Annoy A Child: A Toy They Already Have

As if you don’t know a child you would rather not know? [Varies]

jonathan franzen

To Annoy A Feminist: Any Book By Jonathan Franzen

And look, you can be a feminist and still want to annoy a feminist; the point is that Jonathan Franzen is insufferable to most of the feminists I’ve ever known. [Amazon, $17]

oilers jersey

To Annoy A Sports Fan: Any Memorabilia from the Wrong Team (Especially, Like, Nice Memorabilia)

Not for the rival team, just the wrong team; maybe a team with similar colors. [NHL, $70, for Bears fans]

fifty shades

To Annoy A Writer: Fifty Shades of Grey

Specifically for humorless writers like me, best given by people who don’t really like to read much (for the sake of being convincing).[Amazon, $10]

doge shirt

To Annoy The Fashion-Oriented: A Graphic Tee from Zazzle With A Meme Phrase That Was Popular 18 Months Ago

Pretend that this is one of the mysteries of fashion that you just don’t understand. [Zazzle, $15]

amc gift card

To Annoy Both Members of a Codependent Relationship: A Movie Theater Gift Card with Enough Money On It for Just One Ticket

Watch as they barely suppress their deep, deep unhappiness with their life choices. [AMC, probably about $12]

hershey bars

To Annoy A Vegan: Candy That Has Dairy In It

“Oh, I didn’t see, so sorry!” [Amazon, $15]

candy gift basket

To Annoy Someone On The Paleo Diet: Candy

“I thought it was meat that wasn’t allowed, my bad!” [Amazon, $30]

chagall print

To Annoy Someone Who Has KonMari’ed: A Hideous and Large Piece of Artwork

After all, you’ve noticed that they just got rid of so much of their decor; you thought that maybe they’d like something new. [AllPosters, $50]

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