Why Would You Wear Underwear That Makes Your Vagina Smell Like Bacon?

Here is the perfect gift for your enemies: underwear that will make their hindquarters smell like bacon. You can purchase these nightmares at bacon retailer J&D Foods for $20 each and if you do, please, send me a note and tell me why?

I enjoy bacon as much as the next person who eats meat, but never in my life have I thought that it would be fun if my vagina smelled like vagina and fake bacon.  Also, our nation’s obsession with bacon is embarrassing at this point, it’s weird and gross and vaguely reminiscent of people who still enjoy the films of Kevin Smith. But! If that’s your thing, then by god, don’t let me stop you. Go get your bacon underwear. Mystify and attract potential conquests with the delicious smell of meat coming from your downstairs. It’s the American way.