Glenn Beck Wants Your Awful Relatives To Tell You Black Lives Matter Is In Cahoots With ISIS

If your Thanksgiving takes a turn for the weird and incredibly uncomfortable this year, you may have Glenn Beck to thank. Why? Because he is encouraging his viewers to tell you, the uppity millennial (or really, person of any generation who is not totally fucking nuts), that Black Lives Matter is totally in cahoots with ISIS. So, you know, you can just take your “police brutality” and “systemic racism” and shove it up the turkey’s you-know-where, because fighting against racial injustice pretty much means you are a terrorist.

In order to prove this point, Beck suggests that your terrible relatives point to an article in Al Qaeda’s Inspire magazine which encourages ISIS supporters in other countries to “exploit racial issues,” “encourage African-Americans to form protest groups” and assassinate racist politicians. This, he concludes, means that Black Lives Matter is somehow in league with ISIS. Because he is an idiot.

Via Right Wing Watch:

“Whether the universities know it or not, they are working hand-in-hand with ISIS,” Beck said. “For any millennial that will sit and your Thanksgiving table, I will give you information that you need to get into their hands. They’re going to call you an old fuddy duddy, they’re going to call you call kinds of names, but I’m going to give you the information that comes from ISIS itself and I want you to have that at your dinner table so when they sit down at your dinner table and they start talking about the strife and all of the things that they’re fixing with Black Lives Matter and everything else, I want you to pull this out and say, ‘This comes from ISIS, this is an ISIS document. Whether you know it or now, you’re working hand-in-hand with ISIS. Congratulations on that.'”

“Your kids,” Beck continued, “when they come back to the dinner table, they will know you are doing exactly what ISIS wants you to do, whether you know it or not … Those similar goals are now putting the pressure for the bottom to rise up and the top to come down and to turn us inside out. We are at zero hour and the world is a mess.”

Oh my. I am really thankful right now that no one in my family listens to Glenn Beck, except for my mom when she needs a good laugh. We’re also generally well-mannered people who don’t go into holidays looking to argue with each other, which is nice.

However, if you do happen to encounter this problem, I suggest you handle it by simply laughing hysterically and then walking away. Because there is literally no point in arguing with a person who is trying to tell you that people shouldn’t fight against racism because it’s what the terrorists want. There just isn’t. They are too far gone. I don’t even think Glenn Beck thinks this is a real thing–I think he’s just scraping the bottom of the barrel for something, anything to make Black Lives Matter and other groups go away so he can go back to pretending systemic racism isn’t real and he doesn’t “see” color.

If that doesn’t work for you or you’re trapped, I suggest simply asking your awful relative some probing questions in order to get them to expound on this theory. Which, by the way, is my secret technique for winning every “debate” ever, so you’re welcome. Let them go on and on until they reach a point of sublime ridiculousness — at which point they will either realize they are saying a lot of incredibly stupid things, or just dig themselves a deeper hole, providing you with a cornucopia of material to later relate to your friends and sympathetic family members currently avoiding being part of the conversation by hiding in the corner near the crudite.