Female Red Panda Escapes Her Zoo Prison, Hopes To Make It In The Big City
Yesterday a red panda named Masala threw some shit into a bag, grabbed the keys to her mom’s car and peaced the fuck out, climbing over the fence of her cage and taking off for the big city, to start a new life.
The plucky little thing escaped her enclosure at the Sequoia Park Zoo and made a run for it, after selling all her belongings on Craigslist and leaving a Post-It for her keepers to find, reading, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.”
“She’s only been in the panda exhibit her whole life so she’s pretty naïve,” explained zookeeper Gretchen Siegler. The forest behind her enclosure shows no trace and zookeepers are mystified as to her whereabouts.
Masala, call home, if you can, but if you can’t, enjoy your new life of freedom and Frappucinos and fast cars. You earned it.