A Brief Guide To Properly Enjoying Adele’s 25

As you are probably aware, today is the day Adele drops 25, the album that will run amok in your feelings and render you an inconsolable puddle of tears, snot and used Kleenex. And, as you also probably know, this shit isn’t streaming anywhere for the moment, a savvy move on Adele’s part for controlling her work and understanding her own power. So if you want to go on this emotional journey with Adele Adkins, her false eyelashes and that impeccable brow, buy her album, call out sick, burrow into a pile of blankets with some Ho-Hos and your infinite sadness.

I’m too sad to do anything other than cry and then get tissues and cry again, yet I want to participate in this moment of culture. What do I do?

I understand that it will probably feel really great to listen to this album in its entirety, over and over again, until your neighbors put a pair of headphones and a kind but strongly worded note on your doorstep. Lucky for you, this album is less rip-your-heart-out and more gaze-out-a-window-with-melancholy. “Water Under The Bridge” feels a little bit like redemption, in the best possible way, if you ignore the lyrics and work hard to get those soul claps down.

Mmm, okay. I’m now not as sad as I was before, but I would like to cry. 

“All I Ask” is a sweeping piano ballad, all soaring howls and raw nerves. Even if you’re not going through something, you will tear up. If you’re walking down the street and listening to this and feel the urge arise, please avail yourself of one of these locations, though. Much better that way for everyone, including yourself.

Pick one song for fuck-you-take-me-back-maybe karaoke.

“I promise you, you will see, that I will be, I will be, your remedyyyyyy-ohhhh,” sings Adele in “Remedy,”  strident and clear. You might not sound as good as she does, but belting this at the top of your lungs is going to feel really, really good, trust.

I want to put on this faux fur I got from Forever21 and vamp in front of my mirror for a while before I go out tonight. I’ve exhausted my “Hello” dance moves, so please find me a song that feels like swirling fall leaves and good hair. 

Technically all songs on this album meet this criteria, but if you want to recoup some of the same feels, put a blanket down and camp out in your feelings and some good lipstick with “Love In The Dark.”

[iTunes: Adele, 25]