A Bun For The Man Who Cannot Grow A Bun Is A Terrible Idea
If you are a man and you have a bun, congratulations. You’re compromising your hairline for the sake of looking like every other bro who’s into athleisure and bulletproof coffee, and that is your personal choice. But if you are a man with a Chelsea cut that isn’t long enough to gather into a lush, shaggy topknot, please avail yourself of a clip-in man bun, which is currently on sale through Groupon for the low, low price of $9.99.
This nightmare is basically a croissant of fake hair that you append to your actual hair via bobby pins and a weird elastic strap. Once in place, you’re good to go, devastating women and children across your fair city with your Samson-like ability to produce lush, preternaturally shiny updos.
If this was a well-executed facsimile, I’d be upset but more impressed than anything else. But it’s smooth and shiny and polished, like the updo of a debutante or a First Lady. It looks like something you’d find on the floor of Mellie’s dressing quarters in “Scandal.” A word to the wise: if you ever, ever want to get laid again, do not purchase this. Do not pass “go.” Do not put this in your hair.