“Confederate Veterans Lives Matter” Group Upset Over Denial Of Parade Float

A group of calling themselves “Confederate Veterans Lives Matter” are suing the city of Tulsa, Oklahoma for discrimination after being denied a float in the city’s Veteran’s Day Parade.

Since the last remaining Confederate veteran, Pleasant Crump, died in 1951, we are going to assume that this group is comprised of vampires who believe their lives are being threatened by teenage girls from Sunnydale, California.

The group’s dream, according to organizer Arlene Barnum, was to have “just a regular old float, have the Confederate flag up there like we have mounted on our trucks, and have some people on the float, and wave our flags and have some visibility.” You know, because Confederate flag enthusiasts are usually so shy and reserved about attracting attention to themselves. Like that one guy who just bombed a WalMart for not selling them.

Alas, this dream of being honored in a parade for committing treason was denied. Because they didn’t send in their application on time.

The parade’s organizers also stated that the group’s name and plan for their float implied a personal/political message, which violated their guidelines for inclusion.

The Confederate Undead, however, says that this is unfair because they allowed some Muslims to be in the parade, on a float for the Council of American-Islamic Relations.

Barnum’s response to this, confusingly, was “Why approve another group and then deny us, when the Confederate is a Civil War thing? They’re veterans within itself.” I don’t actually know what that is supposed to mean, or what “veterans within itself” are, but I’m going to guess that there are a lot of different groups and religions and ethnic groups participating in the parade.

Arlene Barnum, by the way, has previously made a name for herself as a black Republican supporter of the Confederacy, and has one of the most bonkers Facebook pages I have ever seen in my life.

For what it’s worth, Oklahoma wasn’t even a state during the Civil War, and as far as we know, there were no dead Union soldiers invited to have a float either.

[Raw Story]