Ben Carson’s Maryland Home Is As Special As He Is

It’s may still be early in the election season, but after this weekend, I think I’m ready to throw my support behind a Republican candidate for President. No, this isn’t someone I’m actually going to vote for — just who I’d like to see win the GOP nomination and then be destroyed by the Democrats (likely Hillary, though my own primary vote is going to Bernie Sanders) in the general election. This person embodies everything I want out of a Republican candidate — he talks like he swallowed a handful of downers washed down with some cough syrup; he bends the truth about absolutely everything but especially his own life history; he believes in absolutely preposterous ideas and refuses to be moved by silly things like “science” or “archaeology”; he manages to give Donald Trump a run for his money in the blindly egotistical department; and, of course, he is a stupendously tacky interior decorator.

I’m talking about Ben Carson, of course.

Now, as you likely heard by now, Carson’s celebrated memoir, Gifted Hands, is full of majorly exaggerated anecdotes (really, Ben, you singlehandedly wrestled a bear?!) and outright lies (LOL, remember that time Carson was “offered” — and declined — a nonexistent “scholarship” to West Point, which has no tuition, by General William Westmoreland on Memorial Day 1969, even though no such meeting could have occurred?). But one look at his Maryland home, as photographed by Mark Makela in 2014, indicates there is nothing Ben Carson won’t do to celebrate his own specialness.  Just look at the lovely painting above, the centerpiece of Carson’s main lounge area.

Or this one, where Black Jesus plays second fiddle to a majestic Carson:


Awards honoring his achievements are displayed on nearly every surface throughout the home, including in display cases:


Some people may call this Biblical inscription, which has been chiseled into the wall with “proverbs” misspelled, a “mistake” but I think it’s a testament to Carson’s refusal to sweat the small stuff, like the letter R:


Check out more pictures of the Carson home over at the Guardian, and then join me in supporting Ben Carson as a the Republican candidate you’d like to see walloped during the 2016 election. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure his ego can take it — or he’ll just go around telling everyone he won.