A “Titanic” Theme Park Resort Is Coming In 2018

Your ’90s teenage dream is finally coming true: a “Titanic” theme park resort is in the works in Dubai with plans to open in 2018. It is a bit awkward considering that beyond Rose and Jack’s #goals-worthy romance, over a thousand actual real-life people died when the Titanic sank. And now we’ll be reliving their horrific final hours in a cutesy park while chomping on funnel cake, I guess? While a ride that re-enacts the “I’m Flying” scene by forcing a hot theme park actor to embrace customers on the edge of a faux ship is basically a requirement here, I’d also like to request a ride that plays out the ship’s slow descent into the ocean in real time as guests role-play as passengers. Bonus points for the final moments of the ride offering a chance to declare that you’ll “never let go” before dropping a valuable into the water for the company to keep and pawn later. I mean, if a company’s going to exhibit their poor taste by making a fun weekend getaway based on a gruesome real-life tragedy, they may as well do it all the way, am I right?

The park will be backed by 20th Century Fox, so the exciting news is that while “Titanic” will probably be the star of the show, it’s not the only movie by the studio that will be featured. The company is staying pretty mum, but from the sounds of what we do know, I’m making the assumption that we can expect rides, restaurants and attractions inspired by “Ice Age,” “Planet of the Apes,” “Predator” “Night At The Museum,” “The Simpsons,” and — most importantly — “Sons of Anarchy,” which I’m sure will be leagues beyond whatever rides the “Titanic” camp can come up with. I mean, there’s no way they’d get away with featuring “Sons of Anarchy” at a theme park without including an attraction called The Jax Teller Ass Experience, right? I have high hopes for this one, friends. Time to book our tickets to Dubai! [Cosmopolitan]