Llama Costume Contests May Be The Key To Inner Peace
Last night, I spent an hour of my life doing a rather odd thing. I watched an hour long llama costume contest from this year’s Minnesota State Fair on YouTube. I tried to stop, and yet I couldn’t. It was hypnotizing. As odd as this may seem, since then, I have never been more calm in my life. I feel as if I’ve taken at least four Xanax. This is quite a lot when you consider that I am an especially high strung person, and also that animal videos and pictures usually do not quite do it for me.
I’m not kidding. You can’t even really see the costumes half the time, but the lady doing the narration–well, she won my heart. Also winning my heart is the girl at 17:12 with the Dr. Who Llama–because although the costume itself was not particularly elaborate, that description was. That girl wrote a whole entire fan fiction about the Doctor meeting a llama who was actually also the Doctor from a parallel universe where everyone is a llama. And I love her. I was practically devastated when she did not win.
I mean–all these kids have pet llamas! That they dress up in co-ordinated costumes with! Who knew? How do you even get into that? Also, how do you get into doing llama costume contest commentary?
Now, it’s not like we didn’t have some weird ass pets growing up. There was my pail of possibly dead periwinkles that I collected from the beach and kept for nearly a month. My sister’s hermit crab that she had for a week and then gave back because it came out of it’s shell and scared us half to death. Boy George, the gecko I thought was a chameleon and adopted in Hawaii, but couldn’t get past customs. There was the manatee that my 5th grade class adopted–which left me confused and bitter for years because I thought it was actually going to show up and that I’d get to take it home for a weekend a month like our class hamster. And who could forget Moon Unit and Dweezil, the gerbils we had that ate their babies.
But we did not have a friggin’ llama, that is for sure. I don’t think it ever even occurred to us that you could have a llama as a pet. It for sure would have been on our Christmas lists were we to ever have even considered it as a possibility. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a llama outside of a zoo. I know for a fact that when I saw Napoleon Dynamite that I figured the pet llama thing was just a weird joke. So, my tongue is firmly outside the realm of my cheek when I say that I found this shit riveting.
For what it’s worth, I am hardly saying that I was brought up in some kind of bustling metropolis. I grew up in a very small town in Massachusetts, notable only for a woman who was found in a weird hoarder house with like, 3 dead babies stacked in a closet a couple years ago. I was even briefly the President of the Horse 4H club in our town (there were only four members and I volunteered, because I simply liked being the President of things), because the lady who started it told me I would get to ride horses. Given my desire, at that time, to be Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet, I signed right up. Then we just cleaned up horse poop the whole time and never got to ride horses so I quit.
But I think the only time I ever saw a llama was at Southwick’s Zoo in Mendon, and to be honest, whenever I was there I was busy hanging with my then role model, Smokin’ Joe, the chimpanzee who chain-smoked cigarettes and gave people the finger.
Anyway, check out all these glorious llama costumes!
Another Dr. Who llama!
I don’t know what this is supposed to be but I really like it!
How is it possible that this has been going on as long as it apparently has, and I’ve never found out about it? It’s a whole new world! I only wish there were more llama costume contests on YouTube I could watch, as I believe it would save me hundreds on therapy and anxiety medication.