WWJDD: “Can You Still Have Meaningful Sex After Sleeping Around?”

Editor’s Note

After multiple women accused James Deen of rape and sexual assault in November 2015, The Frisky made the immediate decision to end our affiliation with the porn star and to cancel his sex advice column with the site. In addition to believing it would be inappropriate to continue publishing sex advice from someone facing such serious allegations, The Frisky is firm in its commitment to believing and standing in solidarity with victims/survivors when they come forward. After serious consideration and input, we decided to leave the previously published columns up on The Frisky with this disclaimer, as we believe the glaring divide between Deen’s consent-focused advice and the rape allegations against him should be part of the public record. For a more thorough explanation on our decision to end this column, click here.

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Can you still have meaningful sex after sleeping around? Of course I understand that this question is subjective, but I’m curious to know your take on it. Do you feel that working in the porn industry has made sex less of an emotional experience when having relations off the clock? If yes, would it be more because of the industry or simply because of the repetition of the act of sex itself?

Like you said, it is very subjective, but for me, working in porn has actually had the contrary effect on sex in my personal life. When I have sex with someone who I have an emotional bond with, as opposed to someone I’m just casually or professionally fucking, it’s even more special and personal. The sex itself is just what we’re doing, and it’s the emotional bond during that sex that makes it special — in fact, I would say that emotional connection even heightens it and is heightened by it.

My job makes it so having sex is a really normalized, standard, regular thing. Like, I know that I’m going to have sex today. I’m going to have sex tomorrow! I’m going to have sex the day after that! And, in fact, I’m probably going to have sex multiple times on those days too. And that’s cool! That’s great. But hypothetically speaking, I don’t necessarily always know when I’m going to have sex with somebody who I’ll have an emotional connection with, who I’ll want to spend more serious time with, someone who I’ll want to feel close to. So when I do, it actually strengthens the emotional connection because I’m doing this thing I love to do with someone who Ireally want to do it with. But the sex itself is kind of secondary — we could be doing lots of things together and be having fun, honestly.

Of course, sex is such a cool thing that feels really good, and doing a cool thing that feels really good with someone who you really like is the most fun. I mean, I would rather have sex with someone I really like than go bowling with someone I really like, because sex is more fun than bowling to me. Don’t get me wrong, bowling is pretty fun — I fucking love bowling — but sex is better.

Already known as a porn star, actor, director, producer, sex symbol, and star of our masturbatory fantasies, James Deen can now add Frisky advice columnist to his resume. Each week in his column, What Would James Deen Do?, he’ll be offering his straight up, rock solid, no bullshit advice to YOUR questions. Want to know what James would do? Email your questions to [email protected]!