Parents, Please Don’t Be The Worst On Halloween

So just in case you’re having a hard time reading the sign in the picture above, here’s what it says (errors included, of course):

ATTENTION PARENTS

MY SON HAS SEVERE ALLERGIES AND COMES HOME EVERY YEAR DEVASTATED THAT HE CAN’T EAT ANY CANDY HE’S COLLECTED AT YOUR HOMES WHILE TRICK OR TREATING. DON’T EXCLUDE MY CHILD, OR ANY OTHER CHILD FROM THE FUN.

THIS HALLOWEEN, PRACTICE RESPONSIBLE PARENTING AND DO NOT DISTRIBUTE CANDY CONTAINING NUTS OF ANY KIND, GLUTEN OR DAIRY.

BE MINDFUL OF EVERYONE’S CHILD – HERE ARE SOME TASTY AND ALLERGY-CONSCIENCE SUGGESTIONS:

  • Carrot sticks (fun to eat, healthy and easy on the teeth)

  • Smarties

  • Necco Wafers

  • Lifesavers

  • Brach’s Lemon Drops

  • Raisins (But stay away from Raisinettes!!!!)

Let me outline the problems with this:

  1. Trust no one who declines to use the Oxford comma. Get behind me, Satan!
  2. It’s Raisinets, thanks, and I believe they meant “allergy-conscious,” not “allergy-conscience.”
  3. This is not the inappropriate time to use caps lock. INTERNATIONAL ALL CAPS DAY was last week, and frankly, this is exactly why everyone hates caps lock – because some party poopers like to use it to actually yell at and scold other people, leaving no sympathy left for those of us who like to use it to express how VERY VERY EXCITED we can be.
  4. Um, who exactly is this person to be implying to other parents that they do not adequately practice responsible parenting? That was not subtle shade. I see you, No-Nuts. I see you.
  5. On the most foundational and basic level, expecting other people to deprive kids of the candy they would be devastated not to get because your kid happens to have allergies is grossly navel-gazing.
  6. No one. Wants. Carrots. On Halloween. You hippie. “Fun to eat”? Excuse yourself. Chocolate is fun to eat.

Here’s an alternative idea. Since this kid’s parents think that he’s such a special snowflake that his allergies should not just be accommodated but actually dictate everyone else’s behavior in their neighborhood, his parents should just dress him up as a snowflake for Halloween every year, and then all the other parents will know who to give Necco Wafers and carrots to. I’m kidding, but seriously, No-Nuts is exactly the kind of parent/person I aspire never to be.

[h/t Boing Boing]

[Image via Imgur]

Send me a line at rebecca@thefrisky.com.